Writing your own vows can be a very meaningful and loving experience. It is not a task that you want to leave until the last minute as the pressure of the event will usually interfere with vows and it is likely you will abandon the effort or "just throw something together".

I normally suggest to couples that ceremony planning take place about 60 to 90 days before the wedding. At this point any theme for the wedding will have been decided and hopefully the bridal party and wedding professionals will have been selected. How to get started? Well here are some suggestions.

1. In order to get in the right frame of mind I suggest you set aside some time when you will not be interrupted.

2. Take a moment to mediate or pray together asking for inspirations as you begin this task together.

3. It is normally a good idea to review the vows on this site and some books which contain vows. This will give you some ideas as to what you might want to include in your vows.

4. Talk about what marriage means to you. What do you expect from the relationship? What do the words respect, love, commitment and promise mean to you?

5. Think about when you met. When did you say I love you for the first time. What prompted you to say a love you that first time? What did you feel the first time you said or heard those three words?

6. Why did you decide to get married? What does marriage mean to you?

7. What do you have together that you do not have apart?

8. How have you gotten through the difficult times in your relationship so far?

9. Each of you take some separate time and write down what you admire the most in your future spouse.

10. Do you want to write vows separately or do you want mutual vows that you will both say to each other?

11. Once you have completed the discussion, reading and thinking it is time to sit down and write the first draft.

12. The vows should consider the seriousness of the commitment you are about to make to each other but may be clever. You should include a reference to the permanency of your love, commitment and honesty to one another.