Pastor Bob Tousey
100 Questions to consider before you say "I Do". (click on title to download a copy)
GENERAL DECISION MAKING PROCESS:
1.How will you make decisions when you get married?
2.What will you do when you disagree?
3.Are you able to agree to disagree?
4. “The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is the slave of the lender” Proverbs 22:7 What do you think of this? What is your ideas on borrowing? What are your plans for savings?
5.Who will be the primary financial provider once you are married?
6.Who will manage finances once you are married?
7.How will you decide on major purchases?
8.Will you have joint or separate financial accounts?
9.What debt will you be bringing into the marriage?
10.Have you reviewed each other’s credit reports?
11.Have either of you ever filed Bankruptcy?
12. Do you know what credit cards you each have?
13.What is your personal opinion on debt?
14.Have you disclosed all your assets and financial obligations to each other?
15.Have you planned for the financial future of your family should you die?
16.What life insurance do you have?
17. Do you have a will? (remember in Maryland you need to revise your will once you are married).
18.Where do you want to live?
19.When do you expect to buy a home?
20.What type of home do you want?
21. Do you plan on buying more than one home during your marriage?
22. Do you expect to have a vacation home as well as a primary residence?
23.How much debt are you willing to incure to purchase a home?
24.What will you do if you disagree about the type of home you want?
25. Do you anticipate either set of parents contributing to the purchase of a home?
26.If so, how much of a contribution are you expecting?
FRIENDSHIPS AFTER MARRIAGE:
27.How much time do you expect to spend with your friends after marriage?
28.How do you expect to relate to opposite sex friends after marriage?
29.What are your ideas concerning entertaining once you are married?
30. Do you expect to go out with your friends individually or as a couple?
31.How often do you want to have company over?
32.How do you entertain your guests (formal, casual, etc.)?
33. Do you plan on having children?
34.How many children do you want?
35.How important are family mealtimes to you?
36.What are your views on child discipline?
37.How do you feel about spanking?
38.Would your children go to public school or private school?
39.If private school, how do you expect to pay for it?
40. Do you expect one parent to stay at home with the children? If so, which one?
41.What are your ideas about study time for the children?
42.What are your ideas concerning sports and other outside school activities?
43.Hockey or Baseball? How much are you willing to spend on sports for your children?
44.What are your expectations for your child’s academic achievements?
45.How much time do you plan to dedicate to your children each week?
46.Who will be the primary care give to the children?
47.What are your views on child care providers?
48.What are your views on adoption?
49.How important is it to have children?
50.What would happen if you found out that you as a couple could not have children?
51.What would you do if you learned that your child might be born with a severe handicap?
52.Would you consider abortion?
53.What are your views on birth control?
54.What would you do if a child became critically ill?
55.What would your child care plan be if you suddenly lost your spouse?
56.What role will faith play in your lives?
57.How often will you go to Church?
58.If you are of different faiths, which Church will you go to?
59.If you are of different faiths, what faith will you raise your children?
60.Do you expect your partner to convert to your faith?
61.How important is faith to you?
62.Would you want to participate in church activities such as bible study as a couple?
63.How often would you go out on dates together?
64.The Book of Ecclesiates says “Two are better than one: they get a good reward for their labor. If the one falls, the other will lift up his companion. Woe to the solitary man! For if he should fall, he has no one to lift him up. So also, if two sleep together, they keep each other warm. How can one alone keep warm? Where a lone man may be overcome, two together can resist. A three-ply cord is not easily broken.” How do you feel about your marriage being a partnership?
65.How often do you expect to have sex once you are married?
66.If you have children, how do you envision that affecting your time together (dating each other) and your sex life?
67.What expectations do you have for your sex life after you are married?
68.What are your expectations for significant events such as birthday, anniversary and Christmas?
69.How would you react if your spouse got you something like a vacuum or boxer shorts for Christmas?
70.How would you feel if you found out your spouse had his or her secretary buy your Christmas or Birthday present?
71.How do you feel about surprise parties?
72.How would you feel if your spouse forgot or ignored a significant birthday such as your 50th?
73.How often do you plan on taking vacations?
74.What is your idea of a perfect vacation?
75. Is it ever ok to go into debt to go on vacation?
76.How do you spend your weekends?
77.How would you feel if your spouse came home drunk?
78.How would you feel if your spouse had an excellent career opportunity that meant moving to another part of the country?
79.How much time do you plan on devoting to your career each week?
80.What role do you envision your spouse having in your career?
81.How often do you eat out?
82.How will you divide household chores?
83. Do you want a family pet?
If so, what type of pet?
84.Where will you spend the holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.
85. How will you decide where to spend the holidays?
86.How do you think your relationship with your parents will change after marriage?
87. How much time do you plan on spending with your parents and in laws?
88. What other relatives will be involved in your marriage and with your family (siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins)?
89. How will extended family be involved in your marriage and family?
90. How involved do you want your parents and in laws involved in the lives of your children?
91. If you are divorced, why did your previous marriage end?
92. Have you sought reconciliation with your former spouse?
93. Are you confident that you have resolved any issues which may have doomed the previous marriage?
94. If you are widowed, have you completed you grieving?
95. How do you feel about memories of your deceased spouse in your home?
96. Will you late spouse's family play an active role in your lives?
97.Will you late spouse's family attend your wedding?
98.Where do you expect to be in five (5) years?
99.Where do you expect to be in twenty (20) years?
100. When do you plan to retire?